Love?
i don't like this feeling. i know it only means i care, but it's horrible. you know that feeling when someone you really love is in terrible pain? and you feel like ... you're feeling exactly like them. you can feel their pain. it's this ripping, tearing feeling in my chest and it won't go away until i know this person is okay. and i'm not sure they will be. if this person leaves ... god, i don't know what i'm gonna do. how could i possibly live, when the most amazing person i have ever known isn't? i think i would want to die myself. just thinking about the image of them, not being there, makes me feel like life has lost all meaning.
is this love? i am certain it is. am i too young to feel love? apparently, people my age are. but i disagree, because i don't think this is just a teenage crush. you don't spend a year on a teenage crush. teenage crushes don't make you feel like you would take a bullet for someone, do absolutely anything for them, until you make them smile. i don't think you're too young to be in love. i'm living proof of that.
i guess you really do never forget your first love. even when they didn't feel the same, it stays in your heart always. maybe i haven't forgotten because it's not over yet.
god, i feel so fucking helpless! i'm trying with all i have to be there for this person, but nothing can make him feel better. nothing. it's the worst feeling in the world. wanting to do something yet there is no way you can control the situation. i wish he knew, i wish he understood. but in the state he's in right now, i don't know if he can think straight. i hope one day he knows how much i care for him now.

sorry but you can't let stuff like thaaat ^^^ bottled up inside ya, you know?
8:52 PM | Category: , | 2 comments

Writing Update.
hellooo there,

well i've written more on my story and so far, so good. the only problem is trying to research japanese culture, as my novel is set in japan. i'm thinking i might need to actually go there in order to experience it, reading about it can only help you so much, you know? and i won't be going to japan for a while, not until my gap year, if at all. there is soo much of it to learn, it's hard to get it all in the story. but i'm giving it my very best.
another problem is the plot, because i can't think of a good reason as to why an invisibilty spell was cast upon Sakura, so her two loves cannot see her. what would she have done wrong? i'm still confused about it. my mind keeps changing on the plot constantly, and it's so hard to figure out which idea flows better.
so far i have written 575 words. not as much as i'd like, but i've been busy, so, whatever. lol. it's better than the amount i usually write, which is nothing. and i have more motivation to write than i have in a long time. now all i need is a laptop so i can write in my bed, because, damn, this computer and this chair is so uncomfortable and annoying to write on!

until next time,
jessss. (:
6:56 PM | Category: , , | 4 comments

All The Small Things.
hellooo there,
*sigh* seems like this is all my blog is made up of atm, but eh, oh well. better than no blog at all.

1) ha! i didn't have to go to parent/teacher interviews. i *forgot* to book them, so my mum said forget it cause they only say good stuff about me. heehee. (:
2) i went off @ my racist ex-friend. i'll be honest wasn't as satisfying as i thought it would be ... but nevertheless, at least now they now where we stand.
3) am superrr excited for my b'day nows ... going to the city hopefully luna park, & since my birthday falls on the spooky day of halloween, we also shall be dressing up. unfortunately, some of my friends think this will be 'embaressing'. pff, we don't need to dress up to embarrass ourselves! heck we do it all on our own! :P
4) got a super lotta time on the net today as my sister went to the interviews & had to do homework. and had (& still having) a good conversation with one of my friends.
5) i think my group of friends & i deserve a pat on the back, as we didn't rely on handball at all today for our entertainment. quite an achievement, i must say. even though i never played it myself. (:

overall todaay was a pretty good daaay, something that happens very rarely to me! so yeah, i hope it goes on till tomorrow.
until then, cya.
jessss. (:
9:08 PM | Category: | 2 comments

All The Small Things.
hellooo there,

today's things aaaare:
1) gonna sound really superficial, but it was a good hair day today, lol. my hair is still relatively straight, & (not sure if this relates) i get to keep the super awesome santana hat my dad bought me!
2) not sure how or why it happened, but today got a lot closer to a friend. we've always been good friends but we've kinda drifted apart lately, so it's nice to have the old friendship back again. ^_^
3) am improving significantly in stepmania! (: although i'm starting to get very addicted to it. :/
4) made plans to go iceskating! it's nice to get out of the house, haha. plus, iceskating is just so awesomes.
5) downloaded misery business by paramore. gosh i love that songggg.

yeah i know today's ones a pretty lame ... lols, buttt today was a good day & i'm a lame person. ^_^

jessss. (:
7:28 PM | Category: | 1 comments

My Day At The Central Coast.
hellooo there,

so today, despite my disappointment that i couldn't go to biljana's party, i actually had fun today. yes yes, i know i went to the dentist, (that part wasn't at all fun!), but affffterwards it was very fun.
so me & sam & dad after the dentist we went to ettalong markets to look for a japanese place to eat but it was closed down so we were like nawww (well i was, sam didn't want japanese food. >.<) so we went looking for somewhere else to eat we got hot dogs which were nice and we also got fairy floss. theenn near our table some guy dropped $2 without realising it. and sam kept looking at it coz she wanted to pick it up but she was too chicken to. (:
then we went back to the car & picked up my mum from work in the nursing home. and we thought everyone was mum even the old ladies which was sad rofls. there was this black & white cat there so sam sat down to pat it then it tried to climb on her lap & she screamed really loud because it was digging it's claws into her. then i sat down & it climbed on my lap and it really did hurt haha! but it wouldn't get off she was too comfy so i had all these claw holes in my jeans & i think they were bleeding! so i made it get off & waited in the car & dad said we should catnap it. lol get it? then finally mum came so we drove off & said goodbye to the cat. then i said imma call it oreo & my dad asks why & i said because it's black & white like an oreo. then he said why don't you just call it michael jackson then & we all cracked up laughing.

and that is the end of my fun day at central coast goooodbye! (:
7:31 PM | Category: , , , | 0 comments

All The Small Things.
hellooo there,

today's list is;
1) milo. is always awesomely good ... but today's milo seemed exceptionally more milo-y than usual.
2) got out of most of classes. (not sure if this is a good thing, as i got out of class to do a stupid PISA test! & i missed out on creating me chrissy kate & neil's awesome harry potter troy explosm comic!) and got a free pen from it. LOL.
3) i started to write my novel & it doesn't sound half bad. of course it still needs quite a bit of work, but not too bad for a first draft.
4) seeing someones true colours. not entirely good, but at least now i know who my true friends are and who is a backstabber.
5) continueing from the last one, finallllly being able to let out my anger about said backstabber. i feel much better now. (:

*yawns* so tired! spent like 4 hours in a stuffy hall doing multiple choice and colouring in answers. then had to fill out a questionairre about myself. so boring! and we were told we would get a small gift afterwards. ya know what the small gift was? the freaking pen we used to take the damn test! what the frick!
tomorrow my friend bili is having a birthday party at karaoke in the city. but i gotta go to the dentist instead argh! i wanted to go so bad, i only been to the city once with dalyna ... that was awesome, but i wanna go to galaxy world omg! and they're gonna get icecream as well & have so much fun! i'm so jealous *cries* why why why was i cursed with un-straight teeth?! today was the worst day ever! it's amazing i came up with five things good about it.
anyways enough whinging on my part.
byeeeeeeee.
jesssss. (:
6:42 PM | Category: , , | 1 comments

Novel Idea. Sorry Edited Yet Again. >.<
hellooo there,

i was looking at that awesome japanese photo at the bottom of my blog yesterday, just thinking about how much i would love to write a japanese story. and then, BAM! i came up with an idea. i think it might still need work, but, here it is. (ps, if you aren't really into sappy love/fantasy type stories, japanese or otherwise, you probably won't like this story. just a warning.)

Sakura is torn between two men. the first is Takiyami, the boy with the broken home & the beautiful soul. Sakura longs to be the one to save him, but he is constantly turning to other women, & she is sick of being the 'friend'. the second, Kyoto, is the typical bad boy with a cheeky grin & irresistable charm. she knows he is bad news, but she can't help thinking there could be something special bubbling underneath the surface.
she pines after both, not knowing which one she wants more, & even so, knowing, even if she did, would she be able to have him? she is driven mad with longing, until her geisha mentor decides to save her using what could only be called tough love. she casts a spell upon Sakura, so she knows what it's really like to feel invisible. now Sakura must find a way to break the spell.

well that's the plot. any suggestions will be greatly appreciated, if you feel there is anything in need of improvement. thanks.
jessss. (:
7:16 PM | Category: , , | 4 comments

Japan.
you can probably see the photo i have added at the bottom of my blog. it's a photo i found on the web of a temple in Kyoto. it's one of the most beautiful photos i've ever seen. i love sunsets, & i looove japan, so this photo is the best of both worlds.
i think japan is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. it's so peaceful & pure. (excluding tokyo, where some people wear masks to keep out the smog. eesh!) the culture there is really awesome also, not too mention the cuisine (i've never eaten japanese food, mind you, but it all sounds very yummy & i really want to). i know i can't really judge the place until i've been there, but it really is beautiful. & i will go there one day.

that's pretty much all i have to say. goodbye. (:
jessss. (:
8:28 PM | Category: | 0 comments

All The Small Things.
hellooo there,

i didn't get the chance to do yesterdays, so todays will sorta combine yesterday & todays.

1) getting a new book. my brother gave me stephanie meyers book the host as an early birthday present. i love it! it was a little hard to get into it at first (probably because there were two extra people in the house!) but it is a really good book. she's a good writer.

2) sitting down with the fam for a dvd night. haha, sounds corny i know, but last night we rented out blades of glory & carl barron. both are guaranteed to have you in hysterics. esp. carl barron. he can turn the most normal situations into the funniest thing ever. if you haven't watched him, do.

3) you know them plans for the future you make with your friends? me & my friend are *planning* on going to japan together in our gap year. it's a long way away, & chances are it won't even end up happening, but it's fun to talk about it. it gives you something to look forward to.

4) being a total kid again. today at school we had wet tissue fights. it might seem gross & childish & all that, but hell, it was fun! it doesn't take a whole lot to entertain me, i can tell you that.

5) ... i can't think of a fifth one. lol, sorry. i didn't really have an awesome day today. it was boring.

until tomorrow,
jessss (:
10:20 PM | Category: , , | 0 comments

A Little Bit Of A Rant.
hellooo there,

when i started this blog, i wasn't really sure what i would write in it, but i planned not to make a habit of posting really deep, personal secrets & stuff. i guess you would call this personal but in this case, i think i can make an exception. and i will not be naming anybody so as to respect peoples privacy.

okay, so one of my good friends (hereby known as lenny) sent me an email of an msn conversation between him, his cousin & another one of my friends (hereby known as the pig. lol) lenny and his cousin were fighting with the pig (no idea what about). it started off pretty innocent until the pig started to knock lenny & his cousins race. such statements were made as 'i can tell you're not white otherwise you'd be able to speak english' & 'unless you speak english get outta my country we are full as is'.
he said a number of more racist comments, too disgusting to post on here. seriously, reading the email made me sick to my stomach. this guy (the pig) was a good friend of mine, & i had no idea he was a racist. he's now my ex-friend. i doubt he will ever come across this post, but if he does, & he knows who he is, i would like to get a few things off my chest.

dude, you're the scum of the earth. i've flushed things down the toilet with more decency than you! what you said was disgusting. they're not the ones who need to get outta this country, australia is a free country, a multicultural country, we let in anyone who wants to be here. so if you don't agree with the australian way of life, maybe you should be the fucking one to get out! all you are is a keyboard hero, i'd really like to see you say that stuff to my friends' faces. i sincerely hope that they do a good job on you. so yeah, you're not my friend anymore. i hate racists. you're sick.

sorry if any of that offended some of you, but i really hate racists. i hope he reads that.
thank you aaand goodnight. (:
jessss. (:
3:31 PM | Category: , , , | 0 comments

Untitled?
hello thereee,

i couldn't think of a name for this post, but today my brother & his girlfriend has come up from melbourne to visit us. about time! it was pretty cool because i haven't seen him in a really long time. now he keeps bugging me to show me this blog, haha. for some weird reason i feel a bit self-conscious about it. maybe it's because he's a really good writer?
well i can't really stay on this while they're over, i'm wasting precious quality time with them!
i'll be back later tonight for today's list.

jessss. (:
2:23 PM | Category: | 1 comments

All The Small Things.
hello thereee,

okay, so i know these things are really cliche & lame, but it will help me to commit to writing this blog everyday.
all the small things shall be a daily post listing 5 things that i am grateful for in that day, or 5 good things that have happened. apparently it's supposed to make you more optomistic. so here are today's five things.

1) i got to sleep in. simple, i know, but i really really hate getting up early and let's be honest, who doesn't LOVE sleeping in? i know heaps of my friends who wake up early every single morning. i don't know how they do it.

2) i ate half a can of milo, straight from a can. some people would not be grateful to do this. but i'm grateful because if my parents were home i wouldn't be allowed to.

3) realising, after a minor panic attack, that i would not be caught eating the milo, because we had a whole other tin in the cupboard. awesome!

4) watching a really good movie that leaves you in a good movie. i watched juno just then, and i've forgotten how awesome that movie is! i think i like it because it's really different. & has some really cool quotes in it. it's kinda sad but i can't actually remember any to list here!

5) the fact that i'm even on the computer now. i didn't think i'd be able to get on again today, giving that i'd spent pretty much all afternoon on it. life is gooood. (:

that was actually pretty easy. & it worked, too! i feel in a better mood already. well, there shall be another list tomorrow. until then ...

jesssss. (:
10:28 PM | Category: , , | 0 comments

freakay muchhh. o_O
wow wow wow. i think blogs are meant to be a daily sort of thing, but something just amazing has happened! at least, i think so. so i got an email from my daily horoscope thing right, & this is what it said, 'it's a good day to start a new hobby you've been meaning to try. get your friends involved in the fun!' freaky!
this is like exactly what i did today, joined this blog! i've always wanted to make one, but i wasn't too sure how to, & i couldn't be bothered searching on the net, or asking my technology genius brother ben how to. but today was my lucky daaaay, wasn't it?
hmm, maybe this means i should get my friends to make a blog too. but i don't think they will be bothered to write in it. oh wells, this is the one of few times my horoscope has been accurate, so i shall take my chances & listen to it!

until next time (which will likely be soon)
jessssss. (:
6:04 PM | Category: | 0 comments

first post everrrs.
hello there, well this is my first ever blog post, so bear with me here, i have no idea what you're meant to write in this thing!
well i got really bored today ... something that happens quite a lot to me on weekends. >.< so yeah i decided to make one of these to see what other people think of my boring life, lol. todaaaay, i ate half a can of milo all by itself. to be honest that's the only thing in my life today worth mentioning. i am quite proud of myself. & maybe a little bit guilty. lol. i have a sad life. it's official. here's a survey thing to get to know me more.

1. What time did you wake up this morning? i don't remember what time i actually woke up, but i know i didn't geeet up till around 12.

2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds. even though i don't wear either of them.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? harry potter.

4. What is your favorite TV show? friends. dude, i could watch that show over & over. not to mention the big bang theory, how i met your mother, grey's anatomy & a whole lot moreee.

5. What did you have for breakfast? rice bubbles. & about half a can of milo. with no milk. as you already know, lol.

6. Peach yogurt or granola? i have never ever tasted granola. what is it exactly?

7. What is your favorite cuisine? hmm. thai probably. or italian. or indian. or chinese. lol. i would looove to try japanese though.

8. What foods do you dislike? um. soggy vegetables? blugh. & mashed potatoes.

9. What is your favorite crisp flavour? ooo, honey soy chicken! yum yum. (:

10. What is your favourite CD at the moment? lol, i download my music. favourite song, anything by paramore.

11. What kind of car do you drive? none, yet. i'm allowed to get my licence on october, but nooo. i don't trust myself behind the wheel of a car. heck, i can't even control a go-cart!

12. Favourite sandwich? roast chicken subway sub. with lettuce & cucumber & RANCH SAUCE. best sandwhich everrrr.

13. What characteristics do you despise? racism! number one on my list. & i hate people who think they are better than everyone else.

14. Favourite items of clothing? jeans, my trackies, hoodiessss, chucks! pretty much comfy stuff.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? just one place? pff, i wanna go everywhere! england, japan, italy, france, pretty much evvverywhere in europe. & everywhere in asia.

16. What colour is your bathroom? white?

17. Favourite brand of clothing? jay jays!

18. Where would you retire to? i am going to move to europe when i retire, & buy a big trailer van thing, or whatever they're called, & drive all around europe until i die. sounds awesome right?!

19. Favourite time of the day? ummm, dunno. late at night, when i'm still up on the net talking to my friends while everyone is asleep. that is, until my mum gets up for a glass of water or something & sees me up. not good. lol.

20. What was your most memorable birthday? the last one i had. it was pretty awesome.

21. Where were you born? in a hospital, would you believe it?

22. Favourite sport to watch? nrl.

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? nobody, lol, i don't think anyone will have discovered this blog yet. but if you have, please do! & comment to tell me what you people find interesting to read on this.

24. What book are you reading now? scarlett.

25. What fabric detergent do you use? iunno, my mum does the washing.

26. Coke or Pepsi? i've said coke every time i ever answered this question (it gets asked waay too much) but i have discovered that i actually like pepsi better.

27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? kinda both, i can get up just fine, but i prefer the night time.

28. What is your shoe size? 8-9. not too sure & can't be bothered to check,

29. Do you have any pets? yeah, a black cat named midnight, who is about 18 years old in human years. that's 126 in cat years! gosh she is old.

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your friends? not really. oh wait, it's not really exciting, but i am not allowed to attend bili's party, as i have to go to the stupiiiid dentist that day, dammit! other than that, i'm getting $20 bucks so anyone who is free to go iceskating?!

31. What did you want to be when you were little? a ballerina, a forensic scientist, a beautician, an author (which is now what i want to be)

32. What are you doing today? um, been on this the whooole day, pretty much. i'm planning to hopefully rent out a movie with my sisters, & get on the net again before going to bed.

so that is my first ever post. i hope you haven't fallen asleep from it! please gimme some feedback, etc.

thanks for reading!

jessssss. (:
5:03 PM | Category: | 0 comments